We’re living through what researchers are calling a loneliness epidemic. 

We have more ways to “connect” than ever—Instagram, LinkedIn, dating apps—but real human connection is rarer than ever.

During the pandemic, I lived on a mountain in Vermont. I joked that I was forgetting how to talk to people. But it wasn’t really a joke. When the world opened back up, I realized my conversation skills had gotten pretty rusty.

Being good at talking to people isn’t a special talent. It’s something you can learn, practice, and improve.

Once you know some simple strategies, talking with anyone becomes second nature.

SUPERHUMAN SCORING

In every edition of System Sunday, I assess the featured system across three superhuman dimensions: impact, setup, and maintenance.

Unlike your typical review, I focus on factors that influence personal growth. Get to know the evaluation system.

Impact (9.5/10)

I was always the new kid growing up. My family moved a lot—five different school districts before I graduated 12th grade. That meant I had to learn how to make friends over and over again. It was either that or eat lunch by myself every day.

This was extra hard because I’m naturally shy. But I had no choice—I had to figure it out. 

When you can talk to anyone, amazing things happen:

• People trust you faster: When someone feels like you really see them, they want to help you.
• More opportunities come your way: Every good conversation opens new doors. As the saying goes, your “network is your net worth.”
• You feel better and live longer: Scientists found that having good friends is as important for your health as exercise.

Starting a new job? Entering a new school? Going on a first date? Mastering some basics can turn awkward moments into real connections.

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Setup (7.5/10)

Here are 6 tips for effortless conversations:

1. Practice going first. Break the ice before anyone else does. A simple “Hi, I’m Ben” shows initiative and confidence. Most people wait for others to approach them, so taking the first step immediately sets a welcoming tone.

2. Master non-verbal communication. Stand tall, make eye contact, smile genuinely, and offer a firm handshake. Your body language speaks before you do and signals whether you’re confident and approachable.

3. Combine a compliment with a question. “I love that band T-shirt—have you seen them live?” Notice something specific and ask about it. This creates natural rapport while keeping the conversation flowing.

4. Say their name in conversation. There’s truth to the old saying that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to them. Using someone’s name creates an instant connection and helps cement the interaction in both your memories.

5. Ask rapport-building questions. Try “What are you most excited about these days?” It’s simple but powerful, and most people never think to ask it. You’ll skip the weather talk and dive into what actually matters to them.

6. Use the F.O.R.D. Method. When you’re stuck on topics, remember F.O.R.D:

• Family: Do you have siblings?
• Occupation: What’s the best part of your job?
• Recreation: What’s your favorite way to unwind?
• Dreams: If you could do anything for work, what would it be?

I learned about F.O.R.D. from Debra Fine’s The Art of Small Talk. These four areas give you endless conversation starters and remove the pressure of thinking on your feet.

Master these fundamentals to transform small talk into meaningful connections.

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Maintenance (8.5/10)

Building the habit is everything. Think of conversation skills like a muscle—they grow stronger with daily use.

Start with small conversations. Try to talk to one new person every day.

Thank your coffee shop barista and ask how their day is going. Ask your driver what they like about their job. Tell a coworker you liked their presentation when you see them.

These small interactions might not seem important, but they’re secretly helping you get better. You’re teaching your brain to spot chances to talk with people. You’re practicing without pressure. You’re getting more confident bit by bit.

When bigger conversations happen—like job interviews or first dates—you won’t have to suddenly become a different person. The skills will already be part of you.

Once you’ve built confidence with daily practice, dive deeper with these classics:

• How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
• How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Each book reinforces the fundamentals and adds new moves to your playbook.

BRINGING IT HOME

Algorithms can schedule our calendars and draft our emails, but they can’t shake a hand or offer a smile across a crowded room.

In an age where loneliness has been called the next public-health crisis, becoming the person who makes others feel seen is a superpower.

So tomorrow, when you catch yourself hesitating before saying hello, remember: every friendship, partnership, and love story begins the same way—with a single sentence. 

Go first. Light the spark. The world is waiting to talk back.

All systems go,

P.S. If you enjoyed this post, you’ll love my Instagram guide on building charisma.

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