Normalize making “no” your default.

Whether it's new work projects or social gatherings, saying “yes” to non-priorities ruins your priorities.

Unfortunately, declining invites can be challenging—we fear hurting the feelings of others or even missing out.

Today’s newsletter will show you:

1. How to decline graciously
2. My favorite decision-making razors for when to say “yes”

Let’s get started.

SUPERHUMAN SCORING

In every edition of System Sunday, I assess the featured system across three superhuman dimensions: impact, setup, and maintenance.

Unlike your typical review, I focus on factors that influence personal growth. Get to know the evaluation system.

Impact (9.0/10)

If you’re like me, you enjoy making people happy.

Unfortunately, these people-pleasing tendencies can lead to overcommitment and burnout.

I was delighted to come across The Tim Ferriss Show (Podcast Episode #282), which reveals practical strategies for saying “no.”

Ferriss shares an example of a gracious “no” he received from Danny Meyer (the founder of Shake Shack).

Ferriss asked Meyer to participate in his book Tribe of Mentors through their mutual connection, Jeffrey. Below is Meyer’s effective “no”:

“Jeffrey, greetings and thanks for writing. I’m grateful for the invitation to participate in Tim’s next book project, but I’m struggling at this moment to make time ends meet for all we’re doing at USHG, including my ongoing procrastination with my own writing projects. I thought carefully about this, and it’s clearly a wonderful opportunity, but I’m going to decline with gratitude. Know the book will be a big success! Thanks again. Danny.”

Ferriss jokes about his admiration for this “no” and how it made him respect Meyer even more.

So, what made it effective?

Setup (7.5/10)

It turns out there are 5 elements of an elegant “no.”

Use the below checklist to help craft your decline:

1. Express gratitude for receiving the invite
2. Acknowledge it’s a wonderful opportunity
3. Say you thought about the offer carefully
4. Point to why you need to say “no” (overcommitted, deadline, personal rule, blanket policy, etc.)
5. Wish them luck and say you know the project/event will be a big success

Maintenance (7.5/10)

Still unsure when to say “yes”?

Here are two of my favorite decision-making razors:

• “If your immediate reaction to an inbound request is not a ‘hell yeah!’ then your answer should be ‘no.’”—Derek Sivers
• “As long as you’re doing what you want, it’s not a waste of your time. But if you’re not spending your time doing what you want, and you’re not earning, and you’re not learning—what the heck are you doing?” —Naval Ravikant

BRINGING IT HOME

The older I get, the more I realize:

It’s better to be respected than liked.

Declining inbound requests graciously—to honor your priorities and values—is a surefire way to earn respect.

All systems go,

P.S. Welcome to the 8,953 subscribers who joined us since last week! Come say hi on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Twitter 👋

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