“Control the controllables.”

I loved this phrase the minute I heard it (courtesy of Viktor Frankl).

Too often, to the detriment of ourselves and others, we try to control things outside our control.

A few examples of uncontrollables:

• A delayed flight at the airport
• Bad weather
• Other people’s actions (or reactions)

A younger me struggled with this mightily, attempting to control the uncontrollables. It led to much unnecessary suffering. I still fall into the trap, though less often now.

What improved things? 

Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements outlined the things I could control. A personal code to self-mastery.

Let me break it down.

SUPERHUMAN SCORING

In every edition of System Sunday, I assess the featured system across three superhuman dimensions: impact, setup, and maintenance.

Unlike your typical review, I focus on factors that influence personal growth. Get to know the evaluation system.

Impact (9.5/10)

The Four Agreements aren’t just philosophical ideals. They are practical tools that have helped millions worldwide live with more peace, grace, and effectiveness.

The principles reveal the secrets of ancient Toltec teachings (a civilization of southern Mexico that reached prominence from 950 to 1150 CE).

The Four Agreements, here we go…

Setup (6.0/10)

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Your words have power.

To shape your reality and the world around you:

• Say only what you mean
• Avoid gossip and negative self-talk
• Use your words to uplift and inspire

Being impeccable with your word will help you foster trust and healthy relationships.

(As a people-pleaser, this is the agreement I struggle with the most. I’m currently reading Radical Candor to give honest feedback.)

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2. Don't Take Anything Personally

No one else sees the world the same way you do.

Similarly, you don't decide how others see the world.

So don't take their interpretation to heart.

People's actions & words are a reflection of their reality, not yours.

One related idea that’s helped me is Tim Ferriss’ 10% Hater Rule:

“10% of people will find a way to take anything personally. Expect it and treat it as math.”

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3. Don't Make Assumptions

Assumptions lead to misunderstandings and conflict.

• Keep an open mind
• Seek clarity and ask questions
• Set healthy boundaries. In the words of Neil Strauss, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” 

When in doubt, go find out. By avoiding assumptions, you'll cultivate stronger relationships and reduce stress and anxiety.

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4. Always Do Your Best

Your best varies from moment to moment, but striving for excellence is key.

• Practice self-compassion
• Be present and fully engaged
• Learn from mistakes and keep growing

Here’s a mindset shift that helped me:

If you wake up and only have 20% in your tank on a given day, and you give 20%, then you actually gave 100%.

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Maintenance (7.5/10)

Use this 4-step process to maintain the agreements:

1. Schedule (1) hour on your calendar every 90 days for a “Quarterly Integrity Audit.”
2. Go through each of the four agreements and consider whether your actions have aligned with these ideals.
3. Identify which of the agreements you’ve been struggling with the most. Which principle is causing you the most internal friction and limiting your potential?
4. Consider making that agreement the “theme” of your next quarter.

You’ll build self-awareness and close the gap between your current and ideal level of self-mastery. 

Be sure to practice forgiveness when you slip up (happens to everyone) and celebrate the small wins on the journey.

BRINGING IT HOME

The Four Agreements in action:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don't take anything personally.
3. Don't make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

By shifting your focus away from the uncontrollables to the remarkable personal power within you, your life will never be the same again. 

All systems go,

P.S. Happy Mother's Day! To all the incredible moms out there, THANK YOU.

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