Written by: December 3, 2023
How to maximize your social intelligence. Learn to read anyone’s body language:
Principle-First
Have you ever wondered what people are really thinking, beyond the words they say?
Get this: It’s estimated that 60-65% of communication is nonverbal (a.k.a. body language).
In other words, a secret conversation is happening right in front of you.
Former FBI agent Joe Navarro shows you how to master that conversation in his book What Every Body is Saying.
Give me 4 minutes, and I’ll show you how to read any room:
SUPERHUMAN SCORING
In every edition of System Sunday, I assess the featured system across three superhuman dimensions: impact, setup, and maintenance.
Unlike your typical review, I focus on factors that influence personal growth. Get to know the evaluation system.
Impact (9.0/10)
Reading body language is a superpower.
By mastering nonverbal cues, you can:
- Gauge emotions
- Identify unspoken concerns
- Respond more empathetically
This heightened emotional intelligence boosts your influence, as people naturally gravitate towards those who understand them without words.
Whether in personal relationships or professional settings, your ability to ‘read the room' is invaluable.
Ready to get started? Interpret body language in 4 steps…
Setup (7.5/10)
Step 1: Calibrate baseline behavior
The key to reading body language?
Look for deviations in behavior that indicate comfort or discomfort.
The key word there is deviations—changes from their normal behavior.
So if you’re trying to read your boss’s body language, first calibrate their baseline nonverbal communication during a few interactions.
Start by observing the five core areas of body language (more on this in the next step).
Step 2: Look for comfort or discomfort
The essence of reading body language comes down to 5 key areas: Eyes, hands, lips, feet, and general posture.
Again, you want to look for signals of discomfort or comfort that deviate from their normal behavior.
One theme you’ll notice for signals of discomfort is “pacifying behaviors.” These movements make the person feel better, e.g., rubbing hands on legs.
For each of the five categories, I’ve provided examples of discomfort and comfort signals below:
Eyes
- Discomfort: Eye-blocking (squinting, closing, or shielding their eyes)
- Comfort: Making eye contact, smiling with one’s eyes
Hands
- Discomfort: Handwringing, hiding hands (can signal deception)
- Comfort: Speaking with hands, “steeple” hand position (shows confidence)
Lips
- Discomfort: Pursed together or disappearing
- Comfort: Smiling gently, lips relaxed
Feet
- Discomfort: Feet moving a lot, pointing away, or tapping/bouncing
- Comfort: Feet still and pointing towards someone, crossed legs seated or standing
Anecdote: Strangers usually don’t stand beside each other with their feet crossed (instinctively, we seek balance to defend ourselves or escape). This will become obvious the next time you step into an elevator.
Posture
- Discomfort: Slouching, turning body away, leaning away
- Comfort: Standing straight, relaxed, facing someone, leaning in
Step 3. Consider the context
I learned from performance coach Todd Herman that content is king and context is the kingdom.
The content of their body language matters. But even more so? The context.
If they’re crossing their arms, they might not be in a bad mood. They might just be cold.
If they’re touching their hair, they might not be attracted to you. They might just have hair in their face. 😅
Consider how the environment might be shaping their behavior.
Step 4: Identify signs of discomfort, label them, and check in
Identify: See someone eye-blocking (covering their eyes with their hands)?
Label + Check in: Say, “I could be wrong, but you look concerned. How are you feeling?”
Open-ended questions like “How are you feeling?” are often better than Yes or No questions like “Is everything okay? or “Are you upset?” Your counterpart will be less defensive.
Maintenance (7.0/10)
Navarro suggests that mastering body language requires observation and practice.
Try these exercises:
- Mute your TV and try to understand the story through body language alone.
- Play a game the next time you’re out to dinner with your significant other, new date, or friends. Guess the relationship dynamics of the people around you.
As your skills grow, you'll read these silent messages more intuitively.
Side note: Today’s newsletter focuses on reading others' body language. But there’s a whole world of honing YOUR body language to look and feel more confident. For example, standing up straight, pulling your shoulders back, and smiling can instantly boost your mood.
I recommend checking out Amy Cuddy’s excellent TED Talk: Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are.
BRINGING IT HOME
The 4-step framework to read body language:
- Calibrate baseline behavior
- Look for discomfort or comfort
- Consider the context
- Label discomfort and check in.
Once you become a student of human nature, life gets more interesting.
Every dull moment in the grocery store line or at the bus stop becomes a rich scene of nonverbal communication—an opportunity to observe the unspoken.
Have fun out there.
All systems go,
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