Charisma [6 Rules]
SUPERHUMAN SCORE: 8.38
Written by: Ben Meer | April 23, 2023
Charisma is no mystery. It’s a skill you can learn. Here are 6 rules to be charismatic:
When I was 12, a close relative told me I sucked at communicating.
I carried that limiting belief with me for the next 12 years. (Hey, I trusted them.)
But then I learned about “behavior modeling.” And I began to improve.
You see, behavior modeling is a superpower. It means studying the successful behavior of others so you, too, can be successful.
Know this: It would be impossible to think, feel, and act like a powerful person and NOT be powerful.
As you’ll learn in today’s topic, charisma is a skill that can be studied and deconstructed.
In every edition of System Sunday, I assess the featured system across three superhuman dimensions: impact, setup, and maintenance.
Unlike your typical review, I focus on factors that influence personal growth. Get to know the evaluation system.
Today’s newsletter will help you:
- Feel more confident
- Experience less social anxiety
- Strengthen your relationships
- Expand your influence
6 charisma tips, here we go…
1. Make People Feel Important (SHR Method)
Your formula to boost charisma:
- Give eye contact
- Offer a specific compliment
- Ask good questions
- Be interested, not interesting
- Follow up
- Remember name(s)
- Recall something you discussed
2. Pause Before Speaking (30% Rule)
When speaking, we allow ourselves only 30% of the time a listener would give us to fill a pause without it feeling awkward.
You have more time to reply than you think.
Wait for 2s first.
Pause in Speaking + Eye Contact = Confidence.
3. Hone Your Body Language (7-38-55 Rule)
People will like/dislike your communication based on:
- 7% words
- 38% tonality and face
- 55% body language
Stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, make eye contact, smile, give a firm handshake…
You will be dangerous.
Recommended reading on body language: What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro
4. Use Humor
A study of the top TED Talks found humor as a key ingredient.
People are drawn to those who make them feel good (aided by humor).
3 proven tips to be funnier:
- Give a surprising answer
- Care more than someone predicted
- Be more specific than necessary
5. Don’t Complain or Gossip. Ever.
Nobody likes to hear complaining.
So why do we do it ourselves?
(Respectfully standing up for yourself is different.)
Separately, when you talk badly about others, people wonder if you talk badly about them too.
Just don’t do it.
6. The Shadow Rule
You don’t need to hide parts of yourself to be accepted by others.
Think about your favorite movie or TV character.
They have at least one weakness. You wouldn’t like them as much otherwise.
Imperfection is humanizing.
Own your flaws, be magnetic.
Like any skill, charisma will take some practice. Here’s a resource I return to often…
I learned of the 30% Rule and Shadow Rule from ‘Charisma on Command’ by Charlie Houpert.
- Brilliant YouTube channel
- Deconstructs the behavior of the most charismatic people in the world
Dive deeper with charisma (free).
BRINGING IT HOME
I wish more people knew…
With a growth mindset and behavior modeling, you can be whoever you want to be.
All systems go,
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